Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
