I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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