just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
