Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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