some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
