I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
