This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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