dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
