the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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