Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
