right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
