So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
