I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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