the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
