I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
