i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
