do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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