Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
