What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
