we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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