you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
