I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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