Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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