I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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