I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
