i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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