I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
