Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
