When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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