So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
