I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
