Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
