Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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