he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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