glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
