haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize