If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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