Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
