the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
