Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
