so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
