Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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