Why are handjobs necessary in class?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
