is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
