why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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