Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
