Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
