not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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