my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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