If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
