your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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