We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
