Kiss
Puke
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
