You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
