I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My feet surprised me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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