The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
