"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
