i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
