I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
