Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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