dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
smell my finger.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
